Just one of a million thoughts ricocheting in my mind
Where did I go wrong?
Did he ever know Jesus?
How long will he go to prison?
What will happen to him?
My mind, my heart and soul are assaulted with fear, despair, guilt, doubt
I am so weary ... my shoulders slump as if carrying a heavy load
I am struck by the sensation, there is no physical burden yet I feel a heaviness that is indescribable
I am alone, Paul is miles away on business. He will be home tomorrow
I am lifted at the thought
he will hold me, he will weather this storm alongside
we spoke briefly when I first got the news .... there were few words to share, I gave him the necessary details.
His love is strong, his love is sure.
it comforts me. He is a beautiful gift from God
I go to my Heavenly Father and I cry .....
A river of tears
flowing for my lost boy
For the dream of who he was, who he could be ....
what will become of him now?
When I am done crying I set about the task of telling
My family will need to know
I cannot speak without crying so I turn to my computer so thankful for email.
I write to my mother, knowing it will break her heart. She has a soft spot for this grandchild. The first grandson.
She remembers the little boy with the sweet smile. The one who always has time to joke with her when she calls for our weekly chats. The miles and years have kept us away. Yet with him there are no awkward moments sometime felt by the other grandchildren
I tell her I am ok, I am with God, He is holding me. I will call when i am able. I ask for her prayers.
I return to my knees, once again I am crying.
I hear the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit remind me ....
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.